It's official. I have been altered by my experiences in a combat zone.
Yesterday started quite well. We went to Glen Ivy for some much needed time for just the two of us. The original plan was to stay up there overnight and then go to the mall today. However, Jen's mom couldn't stay with the kids that long, so we modified the schedule to do both at once. After we left the day spa we went to dinner and then hit the mall... and that's when it happened.
I'd never had a panic attack before and I still don't know what caused it, but I could not get out of that place fast enough. Oh, dinner was fine, but something about the sea of faces (with unknown intent behind them) threw me into a panic. I managed to hold it together long enough so we could get the kids some much needed clothes, but we didn't stay nearly as long as my wife wanted to and I didn't get a chance to look for some new running shoes (since the ones I have are just about worn out from the use and abuse they've been through over the last seven months). It even got to the point where my wife had to drive home. All I can say is good thing medical coverage, including counseling, is part of my compensation package cuz otherwise, it wouldn't be much of a living. We were invited to a birthday party this afternoon and I'm even getting nervous thinking about that. This does not look promising for the crowds that are sure to swarm when we go to church tomorrow.
15 comments:
Hang in there brother. I sure ain't no doc, but I've had some friends..
It'll take some time, and a maybe so someone to chat with, but you're a strong one; it'll be gone, with time. You ain't been back in the world all that long, yet :)
Mike might be able to give some more insite...
Enjoy your time with the family!
Welcome back!
All things work towards the good, for those that love the Lord...
best wishes for your "re-entry" to "every-day" life.
Remember none are so rich, nor so poor that they cannot afford good friends and wise counsel.
:)
I can only imagine the level of anxiety that you feel. I share some of that everytime I go out. I don't know what it is about crowds, but I completely understand. I have one comfort in that I go armed at all times (even to church.) Call it a crutch, but I can rest a little more easily knowing my little .357 is tucked safely in my waisteband. Of course, I still watch people like a hawk and never let my guard down. A small price to pay for my job.
Talk to somebody. It will help imensely.
Hey.
I know a little bit about that.
Different reasons, different triggers. Same panic.
We should talk sometime.
Love you... your sis
I have had panic attacks myself. They're very difficult to describe to people that haven't had them. When I had them it's as if, for a short period of time, the world has become an infinetly hostile place. My mouth went dry, the adrenaline began to rush, and I felt a primal urge to escape. But over time things have improved a lot. The occurences are so rare now and when it does happen I can cope better than the majority of people under stress.
I don't think you can expect immediate recovery, or things to be easy, but I would like you to know that things do get better and talking about it is a good thing. Sometimes you'll feel like nothing has changed, and you're back to square one, but you must have faith that things will improve, and that eventually you'll be able to cope so well that the panic no longer matters. You must take pride in small improvements because that is how it works in my experience. Lots and lots of small improvements that eventually come together as a big improvement.
Good luck and all the best.
Welcome Home, and thanks for your long years of service for our country.
I found you through Steel Cowboy's blog, who had commented on one of my daily reads, Maxxed Out Again.
I'll be back.
Hh
Welcome home! I hope that the anxiety is a temporary reaction, and that the rest of your transition is smooth.
Hey man. What you are going through is normal. I know I got so used to being insecure over there, when I got home it just stayed the same way. Malls suck. Football games are worse. Hell, even groups of 5 or more gets me jumpy. Having my back to a wall and keeping an eye on entrances and exits is top priority. Driving used to be pleasurable. Now I have the urge to either speed up and pass on the shoulder when I see a suspicious car or just slam on the brakes while doing 80 on the freeway. Just remember to breathe when the panic sets in. Let it happen, the harder you fight it, the worse it'll get. It gets better bro. Hang in there. Focus on those kids. They'll pull you through it.
Just wanted to say welcome home. I'm sure it's a big adjustment, but I'm also sure you'll adjust just fine. Hope the panic attacks go away fast and you get back to normal quickly.
Welcome Home and thank you for serving our country! I would think this would be very common, but am sorry it had to hit you when you should have enjoyed some special time with your wife. Hoping it gets better, and glad to hear you are doing something about it (counseling!)
Your wife is amazing, and is how I found you. Again, thank you and welcome home!
Welcome home! And thanks for all that you do! I understand panic attacks! I got a book on cd that REALLY helped. If you continue to have them, let me know adn I can upload them for you!
I found you through your lovely wife.
A sincere "Welcome Home, Bill!"
Glad you're back in one piece! Get the counseling, but I'm convinced that with your family's support (which is obvious) this will fade quickly.
All the best!
John
Welcome home Bill.
All the best and God Bless.
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